Shedding my security blanket
I've had this old yellow fleece blanket for over ten years and lately it's been tucked away in a trunk or in a bin somewhere in my closet. This spring, we pulled out our trunk of summer clothes that we put away last September. At that time, Liz and I had each lost over 20 pounds but for one reason or another, we hung onto some of our summer things. Imagine our surprise when we went through the clothes this spring and nothing fit. All the tops and capri's were swimming on us! We had some good laughs about how ridiculous things looked on us, and we both marveled at the changes our bodies had undergone. It was amazing to see the transformation from plus sizes to regular sizes in less than ten months. So off we went, weeding through clothes, discarding stuff with spots and putting old and fairly new items into a give-away pile. Since both Liz and I are "clothes horses" we had a lot of sorting to do. It was time to get rid of the dressy suits & fancy jackets, including the halter dress I wore to her brother's wedding two summer's ago. At the time I had no idea then that it made me look like I was dressed as a Hawaiian Chaise Lounge Cover. Geesh, I thought I looked good when in fact I was huge! Now the dress can wrap around me twice! In our summer trunk was the old yellow fleece, a ten dollar Target bargain. Liz asked me what did I want to do with the blanket - give it away, keep it for the dog or just, I don't know, put it back in the trunk. Without giving it a second thought, I said we need to get rid of it. A few days later I was thinking about the cleaning out process and suddenly I remembered the blanket. For years, I've held onto things and clothes, even the pieces that I no longer used or wore. Now I can't wear any of my old clothes, even things I bought eight, six and three months ago. Why in the world did I hang onto these old rags? I'm shedding clothes faster than my dog sheds his fur. I want to wear clothes that fit and that are appropriately sized for me. I can and want to wear sleeveless shirts and tighter fitting pants and t-shirts. I can tuck hirts into my pants, wear a belt and notch it close to the last hole! I don't remember the last time I could do that without looking like a balloon cinched in the middle ready to pop. What occurred to me was that putting this old fleece schmatta into the give-away pile represents being ready to be free of my fat from behind which I've been hiding for the past 20 years. I am ready to give up my security blanket. Finally!
The pay-off from this is, of course, buying new clothes, as well as continuing to lose more weight. As I mentioned in my last post, I've been working out a lot. There's been a renewed commitment to getting to the gym and training for my triathlon. Over the last two weeks, I've really seen a difference in my physique and stamina. My swimming is slowly improving and my over-all workouts have been good. Tonight I got a reward. I hit my 60 pound mark at the Monday Night Weight Watcher's Meeting. Or as the check in lady said, I've entered "a new decade!" I'm feeling pretty in pink.
Hitting 60 pounds lost is a milestone. Since March I've been seesawing with the same eight pounds. What I neglected to look out was how much weight I've lost since the beginning of this year - a number closer to 20 pounds. Looking at it in the larger context, the overall number feels significant. I'm not sure how many inches I've lost, but it's at least nine, counting the waist sizes I've gone down from an old pair of shorts I pulled out of the trunk compared to my new JCrew seersucker field shorts I bought a few weeks ago. Better than the actual numbers, pounds, inches or clothing sizes, is the fact that I'm healthy. I can run, a bit. I can bike a lot. I can swim more than ten laps without drowning. I can lift weights and have increased the weights by 5 or 10 pounds a set. I'm doing GREAT and I love it! And I no longer need the old blanket to wrap myself into to feel good, safe or secure. I just want to keep "soldiering along" one pound at a time.